END OF LIFE AND THE DENIAL OF DEATH
An Interview with Heather Massey
Heather Massey, MSW, LMT, is an end of life specialist, Death Educator, trainer, consultant, family-led deathcare advocate, and funeral consumer-rights advocate. She is passionate about reviving the ancient art of natural death care, at home and in community, and the many benefits therein for the environment and for grieving families. Through “In Loving Hands” and the “Natural Deathcare Collaborative,” she consults and trains families, community care groups, and funeral service providers. Heather has 40+ years of experience caring for the dying, dead, and bereaved. A leading educator and speaker nationwide for this revival, her work has been featured on National Public Radio (NPR), Huffpost Live, and in numerous local and national publications and radio news programs. She also curates and hosts several educational platforms on end of life, death, dying, post-death care and bereavement.
Director: In Loving Hands
Founder: The Natural Deathcare Collaborative
Founding host: Massachusetts 1st Death Cafe
Founder/host/curator: Community Death Education
Co-host/Co-curator: The Parlour
Facilitator: Date with Death Club
Cape & Islands Funeral Consumer Advocate
Founding member: Equitable Disposition Alliance
Founding director: Early US hospice
Director Emerita: National Home Funeral Alliance
You have wide experience in the world of death and dying. How has Becker influenced you personally in your work?
In every sphere of this work, from hospital social services, hospice clinical and administrative functions, to funeral consumer advocacy and including post-death care education, the cultural norm of death denial and fear of mortality or of nonexistence permeates both the interactions and attempts at interventions, thus minimizing access to support, and ultimately limiting options.
Becker’s theories are focused on our behavior during life, but what can Becker teach us about dying?
Dying amplifies fears in the individual who is experiencing the transition, as well as the systems (familial, social, and institutional) that surround them, and minimizes or complicates actual delivery of support services.
Death denial and the fear of anything related to death and dying are regular and consistent hurdles to delivery of services in my work with individuals, families, and communities. The result is less communication and preparation, thus limiting choices and/or access to the benefits of non-commercial death-caring.
The two primary areas of my work most impacted by death denial and fear are preplanning (for both end of life and post-death options alike) and education encouraging the partaking in simpler, more satisfying, less costly, and more eco-friendly deathcare practices. Sadly, in both cases, inaction results in limited options available at need.
What can help overcome these obstacles towards movements attempting to give people more agency over death?
No doubt denial and fear drive the resistance to Death with Dignity options, and/or are cleverly used by opponents to help halt the momentum towards more choice at end of life. The less we speak and hear of options, the less the options will exist.
I am hopeful and eternally optimistic that the movements toward greater access to free and factual information on death and dying, post-death care, and disposition options – as well as the increase in and availability of accessible venues to discuss these issues and concerns – have begun to make inroads and are easing both fear and terror. Simple, non-commercial, community-based death conversation events such as Death Cafes/dinners/chat rooms etc., and not-for-profit community death education efforts, have been quietly normalizing the topic. By providing opportunities to embrace our common mortality and increase agency over the details that can be controlled and influence, we can cultivate a life-enhancing acceptance of death.
Part of what makes Becker’s work so profound is its continued relevance. The Ernest Becker Foundation prides itself on the application of these ideas to social issues of our day. Our series entitled This Mortal Life features Becker and Terror Management Theory applications to current events and topics where issues of mortality are at play. We interview experts and consider current research to increase our understanding of human behavior. We have covered such topics as prejudice/discrimination, in-group bias, out-group violence, materialism/consumer behavior, environment/climate, political manipulation, criminal justice, religion, art, death acceptance, and more. Our webinar series corresponds with our written features as well as covering additional topics. Visit This Mortal Life to read and watch all of our prior features.
Other parts of the conversation. We also welcomed submissions to our blog, The Denial File, of opinion articles or blog-style posts on how Ernest Becker’s work informs a given issue or topic. We also accepted book and film reviews. Anyone could submit an article – no academic affiliation was required. This is a wonderful resource for those interested in looking back on social history and seeing how our culture has shifted over time.