IN REMEMBRANCE
OF NEIL ELGEE

Bernie Meyer

Retired Priest and Peace Advocate

At the beginning of the first Gulf War, I began a search about “why are humans violent.” In 1993 or ’94, I discovered The Ernest Becker Foundation and met Neil at a “Love of Violence” Conference, a treasure in my own back yard. Over the years I have incorporated the insights into my justice and peace work, including to India where I have brought Gandhi’s message doing Gandhi portrayals yearly since 2005. In 2019 I wrote The Crisis, which included Becker insights, as my overview for several events in India and for participating in the Kent State University’s 50th anniversary of the 1970 massacre. Finally, I was invited to give input to Gandhi’s sesquicentennial by the Indian government, challenging Prime Minister Modi to meet Pakistan to abolish nuclear weapons.

Steen Halling, Ph.D.

Professor Emeritus, Department of Psychology, Seattle University

A former student suggested that Neil and I meet given the overlap in approach between the Psychology MA program at Seattle University, which has an existential orientation, and the work of Ernest Becker. Our meeting led to a very fruitful and long collaboration between the Ernest Becker Foundation and Seattle University. We provided the space and some publicity and Neil brought in many speakers starting around 1995. Our students and I learned so much from these engaging, thought provoking, and enjoyable lectures. Their presentations were memorable and added a great deal to the intellectual life at the university.

Jeff Greenberg, Tom Pyszczynski, and Sheldon Solomon

Co-founders of Terror Management Theory

Neil Elgee is as brilliant, gracious, kind, and caring as anyone we have known. It has been a true honor to know him, and his advocacy of Becker and our Terror Management Theory work has been a tremendous gift to all those who have been touched by Neil and the EBF. Tom, Sheldon, and I first stumbled into Becker’s books around 1982 and soon after began writing and speaking about his ideas and using them in our classes. We formulated TMT based on those ideas in 1984. We began testing some hypotheses, culminating in our first empirical article, which appeared in 1989. Neil found out what we were up to from a NY Times article about our work and contacted us soon after. At the time, people in our field largely had disdain for the work we were doing, so hearing from this bright-eyed and bushy-tailed M.D. from Seattle, young far beyond his years, brimming with enthusiasm over Becker and our work, was a huge boost to us—validation that we were pursuing something important.

From then on, Neil and EBF began supporting our work financially but mainly as a kindred spirit wanting to spread Becker’s brilliant analysis far and wide. Neil’s importance to the success and spread of our TMT work cannot be overstated, and we are forever indebted to him for that. The EBF helped us make all kinds of connections and has supported many of our former students and others doing Becker and TMT-related research.

We admire Neil mainly for being the great human he was and for his tremendous lasting contributions to the world as a doctor, father, and husband, and as the founder and President of the EBF. He is greatly missed.

Annie Mays

EBF Community Member

I attended The Ernest Becker Foundation’s “Love of Violence IV” conference in 1998 on a scholarship from the foundation. I still have my name tag, which I kept after all these years because of how much this meant to me. One of the Keynote Speakers was Dr. Robert Hare (psychopathy expert). His segment was titled “The Psychopath: A Most Dangerous Partner.” I did not know then that the Ernest Becker Foundation was exposing and educating me about how certain power structures use fear of violence and death to control me. Having that knowledge with me at the moment of a brutal attempt on my life, made me ready.

Thank you Dr. Elgee for creating the Ernest Becker Foundation, and for all the opportunities and knowledge you have so freely shared! Becker still does make me think at many different angles.

Dana Miller

EBF Community Member

I read The Denial of Death and found the ideas positive and interesting. As I wandered across the UW campus one day, I saw a sandwich board notice for an EBF event. I went in and felt welcome. I felt part of the great EBF community in Seattle from around 1995 to 2012 when I moved. I always tell people how Neil opened events and printed communication by announcing, “Welcome Gentle People.” I believe that simple term expresses so much of what Neil put into the EBF, and how everybody felt welcomed. What a civilizing and encouraging group of people to spend time with. We need organizations like the EBF now more than ever.

Neiad Ammary

Teacher, student, and EBF Community Member

I met Neil in 2008, just a few years into my career as a high school English teacher. By that time, I had already been personally obsessed with Becker’s work for several years and had been teaching the entirety of The Denial of Death in my eleventh grade American Literature courses. Although it was an transformative experience for both me and my students, administrators and parents occasionally failed to understand why I might be so adamant about teaching kids about death. Neil reached out to me to offer his encouragement and support. He took such an interest in my experience that he flew all the way to Pennsylvania to meet me and my students. Neil presented a talk on humor and wisely advised us to consider laughing at death. I still use some of Neil’s quotes from that lecture when I teach, as well as when I contend with my own mortality and existential dread.

Undoubtedly, Ernest Becker’s work, Neil, and the EBF have had a profound impact on the trajectory of my life. Not only have I become a much better teacher, but I am also currently a doctoral candidate in Educational Leadership at Lehigh University. It was my experience with the EBF that made me feel like I could perhaps be a real scholar myself. That exact realization occurred to me several weeks ago while I was rereading Beyond Alienation.

In The Denial of Death, Becker observed that “Man cannot endure his own littleness unless he can translate it into meaningfulness on the largest possible level.” I hope Neil knows that through his impact on me and the hundreds of students I’ve taught over the years, he has indeed created meaning on the largest possible level. And, he taught us to always remember to laugh.

Scott Claeys

Director of Gift Planning, The Salvation Army Northwest Division

I met Neil over 15 years ago. I regularly refer to Becker in my work with charitable estate planning. Only eight percent of people include a gift to charity in their estate plans but 60% make annual gifts, 70% volunteer and even more will help a stranger. There is a big disconnect with estate giving. There are many reasons why, but one is most certainly their death denial. Thoughtful estate planning can be positive and liberating. It can help people overcome their death denial when they focus on their values and the opportunities they want for their loved ones and the causes that were important in their lifetime.

A legacy gift can be the only tangible enduring representation of peoples values. It is a positive tool to overcome their death denial. Thank you for keeping this important dialogue active; it is the only way attitudes will change for the better.

Caitlin Doughty

Mortician, Author, Activist

When I was in mortuary school, I discovered the writings of Ernest Becker for the first time. From page one of The Denial of Death, I knew I was reading the truth, something I had never seen written so plainly.

I appreciated Neil’s use of humor to disarm the fangs of death. If we can’t get people to laugh at death, we can never hope to help them understand it. We will continue Neil’s work to give Becker his due.

Martin Sawa

EBF Community Member

Neil was an inspiration to me and I’m sure, to many EBF members. His was a life well-lived, which Becker would undoubtedly classify as a worthwhile immortality project: Neil gave of himself to a higher purpose and for a genuinely positive end, all the while maintaining a sense of humor and humility. I particularly liked his ecumenical approach to recruiting new members, casting a wide net and only requiring an interest in Becker. I believe our Berkeley symposium in 2008 advanced Becker’s thought and left some footprints in the sand from key Becker scholars. Perhaps the only area Neil and I disagreed upon is what lies on the Other Side, and of course my bet is that we will, in fact, continue our dialogue.

Patrick Shen

Producer of Flight from Death Documentary

Neil has done so much for me, perhaps more than he was fully aware, and he is forever a key figure in the story of my life.

Back in 2001, when I first approached Neil and the EBF about supporting Flight from Death, I was a team of one equipped with nothing more than a passion for Becker and a video camera. I had little resources to accomplish the epic endeavor I was setting out to take on, and yet he took a chance on the film, on me. Two decades later, one cinematic, existential deep dive after another I am, in a fundamental way, still making Flight from Death over and over again.

Neil navigated this life with so much grace and beauty. I will always remember traveling to Seattle and being warmly greeted each time by his beaming smile and gentle spirit. Neil lived a life that we all aspire to live—one Becker would surely consider a masterpiece.

I can see now all the reasons for Neil’s gentle spirit and beaming smile: a beautiful family, a wonderful marriage, a professional life full of purpose and meaning, a deep commitment to understanding that which moves us, and amidst all that, time for silence. That is everything we all could ever want. He was a truly special human. It has been the greatest honor to know him. I will never forget him.

Omnia mors aequat (Death makes all equal)

Lawrence Thuku

Caregiver for Neil

I started working with Neil in February 2020. From the first day of our meeting Neil was jovial, kind, compassionate, and had a great sense of humor. With time, Neil and I got to know more about each other. He told me about the journey of his life and I shared with him my own life’s journey. We would talk about family, sports, culture, and world news. He had such a good sense of humor and would entertain us especially when we had guests around. I feel humbled to have met Neil and to have been his caregiver. He was such a wonderful gentleman.

Jeff Kirchmeier

Professor of Criminal Justice, CUNY School of Law

I first met Neil through email and then in person when he came to New York for a presentation on connecting Becker’s theory to laughter. He was so warm and generous, open to connecting people interested in Becker’s work. I appreciated our discussions and his directions for my education in this area, as well as for the people he helped me meet. Thank you!

Marie Helen Becker

Writer, Artist, and Spouse of the Late Ernest Becker

Thank you, Neil, for the efforts you have made to successfully create and nurture The Ernest Becker Foundation. Books and their words do impact the minds of people, and you have certainly shepherded a few. In the recently published Until the End of Time, physicist Brian Greene mentions the influence of Ernest. We love it to continue. You certainly have given my little family and me a sense of connection to the beautiful, kind and intelligent community of EBF.

Sam Keen

Author, Professor, Philosopher, author of the Introduction to Becker’s The Denial of Death

Neil appeared on my farm years ago and we started talking Becker and The Denial of Death and we continued that conversation over several decades. More than anyone, Neil has brought Becker’s work to a wider public. His dedication has been a heroic task which has enriched all of us.

Thank you, my friend.